Inner Exposure

Pink brick buildings: I don`t know much about colour, except that it is spelt colour in Canada (and spelt is a grain, while spelled is spelt "spelled"), and that I have a minor cognitive disability (or it is within my eyeball, but then my eye is tightly interconnected with my brain it is my brain`s frontier territory where it has dared to extend it's empire, but dares no further physically. Is this border walled? It is certainly protected, sometimes, although my border has let many ferocious barbarians through since its infancy. Alongside developing relations with neighbouring territories, I have put effort into harmonizing the provinces within the borders of the empire, and integrating all those nasty barbarians who have settled in the frontiers and sparsely populated areas. Presently, there are walls along this frontier of the eye, however not comparable to Hadrian's. As I work on creating greater, more thorough harmony within the empire, I become more aware of migrants and refugees, more relaxed and inclusive, and more effectively house them. However, I have some spartan ideals I suppose, as I do not provide such a lavish social security net, as I aim to promote self-sufficiency and to empower these immigrants, instead providing education and inspiration, allowing the Tao to feed and clothe them. Ultimately, it would be grand if all power was surrendered to the Tao, for Tao is the real emperor, and this is but a fleeting empire of which the Tao sprouted, like the fruit of an enormous mycelial network sprung spontaneously through the bark of a rotted tree on the forest floor the morning after a rain.), also called colour blindness.

In "Thus Spake Zarathustra",Nietszche spoke through Zarathustra about dying at the right moment, about not dragging life along farther than it should go. Everyone has an ideal time to die. I would like to extend this as a metaphor for every endeavour undertaken. There is a perfect time to pick a tomato. A perfect time to leave a social gathering and go home for the night. A perfect time to stop working and come in for supper. A perfect time to end a relationship. A perfect time to give up a project, if it cannot be finished. A perfect time, before diminishing returns start to drain one's energy, start to cause imbalance. I wonder if I dragged the metaphor of the empire on too long. Did it die at the right time?

By no means am I alluding to a lifestyle of the non-comittal. I see so much divorce these days, and I think a significant cause of this trend is a vast lack of creativity, like a gaping chasm. Initially, it takes far less energy to receive information than it does to create something new. To trail-blaze. So people watch TV, read, go to a gym, follow an exercise plan from Men's Fitness, or a diet plan from Oprah, or the advice of pharmaceutical companies to "solve" health "problems". It is easier than acting, improv, writing creatively, listening to the body and experimenting with fitness, experimenting and observing the affects of what is ingested, observing the cause of unpleasant sensations and reactions of the immune system and learning healthy, less-invasive methods of bringing oneself towards equilibrium.

I have found many creative opportunities to transform existing circumstances without suppressing them or escaping from them, or outright destroying them. When I felt cheated on, instead of cutting her from my life, I forgave, learned, stretched my emotional borders of toleration, and the disrespect of a lover gradually became the trust and respect of a good friend. A tendency towards overeating I try to balance with a high level of challenge in fitness (but recently I have been on vacation!). No fat? Good fat. No carbs? necessary carbs, attempting to allow the supply of carbs to control the demand.

I will refer to Nietszche again I am sure, I studied "Thus Spake Zarathustra" and consider it a goldmine of insight.

I suddenly feel self-conscious, focusing so much on my own thoughts. I think it is very difficult not to exaggerate, not to paint a picture that is nicer than reality. Am I being totally honest with you about the inner workings of my mind? No more, no less? To not exaggerate, to not gossip...there are so many art forms to master.

I want to admit to everyone that I like to display my physical strength and endurance and flexibility, because it causes people to send me good energy, and it provides me with more energy to return to them and others. I am a 23 year old male with lots of testosterone, especially when I do physically demanding work. I choose to embrace this testosterone and try to steer it towards positive expression. No shame!

Cheers,
Maurizio