Saturday morning melancholy

 I noticed an interesting coincidence in my blog. I wrote earlier about having this absence of anxiety and this ability to keep my mind in the present. Later on, after the retreat, I came to realize that in fact I have been deceiving myself about this. I wrote early about not having fear of heights and having good focus and mind-body connection. Later on, while doing carpentry, my brain fudges and I fall through the roof onto concrete. Self-deception. Perhaps also a bit prophetic. On another note, I try to be honest on this blog, but I think I have crossed some lines and betrayed the privacy of my family life, and I feel shameful and apologetic for that.

I am continuing to collect French papers, and I am getting good at it too ! Almost every time I go to the administrative building now, I bring the right papers and now I can understand what the lady is saying ! Soon, I will no longer need a representative and translator. Volunteer carpentry work : done. I recovered enough by Monday to work the whole week. In total I worked on three houses, starting and finishing walls, insulation, starting roofs, and finally putting big sections of the roof up onto the walls. Hard work. Interesting work, a nice blend of body and mind, planning, organizing time and materials prudently, and focusing in the present (so you don’t fall onto the concrete below).

Antwerp next, to visit uncle and aunt, cousin and grandmother. I am planning to part in less than a week, for a little more than a week.

I started to eat sweet things again (chocolate), and a bit of caffeine. No big deal really, says my digestion. Just be moderate. Results of the blood test : low levels of cholesterol. I prayed to GODGLE.COM, and they told me that this is potentially as dangerous as the opposite extreme. It can be caused by hyperthyroidism and anxiety. Lightbulb materialises above my head and turns on with a BING ! noise. Mrs. Acupunctrice told me I have anxiety and an imbalance with my thyroid gland. My numbers are not significantly low, though. I have started to consciously eat a bit more fat than has been recently usual.

So I am supposed to be better now, according to the Acupuncturer, but yeah, I suppose I do feel better, not radically, and there are so many factors affecting my emotions, and this is the issue « hard » scientists have with the « soft » sciences : you can’t control all the variables, you can’ t conduct proper experiments. Anyway, I feel good enough, and that is good.I have stopped working now, and so my emotional state while I am inactive may tell a different story.

How are you guys ? I am not very good at multitasking, and keeping up to date frequently with my Canadian world while I am getting my feet wet in France is not easy for me. The blog is an easier way, but still, I apologize to some of you for not making more efforts to speak with you privately.

Sadness, anxiety, anger, lust. Are we not like different people when we are within the realms of these emotions ? And when we leave them, they go dormant, retaining all the developed symbolism and history. And when we return to them, we rediscover that history, those trends resume, and relate to the new catalytic event. I have once thought of them as cabinet ministers, and I am the president. Each minister offers advice on what direction to take, what to invest time and energy into, and they don’t all agree with eachother. A guru once said that to him, emotions are friends. Yeah, they make things interesting, don’t they ?

Cheers,
M